“You look like you’ve lost weight”
“I know! It’s probably the cigarettes and bulimia. But while we’re commenting on each other’s bodies, I love your new wrinkles, make you look real distinguished. One of your legs looks shorter than the other though–is it the pants? Speaking of those pants, you’re stuffing, right? Because that is one unbelievable bulge you’ve got going.
So how’ve you been?”