I mowed a lawn once. It was awful.
“Idleness, indifference, and irresponsibility are healthy responses to absurd work.” —Frederick Herzberg, via the delightful Alfie Kohn
“Come on,” said my roommates, “it’s not bad. Just get high and you’ll have fun.” But I didn’t. You’d think mowing a lawn high would be great–you’re outdoors, you don’t have to talk to anyone or focus on much–you’d think mowing grass would perfectly complement smoking it, but you’d be wrong. Because lawn maintenance is bullshit.
Other writers are anti-lawn for all sorts of laudable environmental and urban design reasons. Now I’m all for striking a blow against monoculture or Puritanism, but my overriding objection is mortality. I have a limited amount of time left before I’m not “I” anymore, and I’ll be good and goddamned if I’m going to spend it doing counterproductive manual labor without pay.
This shouldn’t be the “deviant” position. The weirdos here are the lawn maintainers, who feel entitled to enlist everyone in their crusade to blanket the world in monotony and pesticides.